I have not given up, I am still here

Sorry I have been totally MIA for a few months, I have been spending a lot of quality time with my family and baby. I haven’t felt the urge to write anything because my head has been else where.

It is that time of year where everything gets a head of you and before you know it, its Christmas.

Every year we say this year will be better nothing else could possibly go wrong, and then it does. I think myself and my family are just use to things happening that it doesn’t even bother us anymore. We just get on with it.

Last year, just as I had my daughter my nan was diagnosed with cancer. Cancer isn’t new to our family, in fact it seems to haunt us. Just a year before she was diagnosed my granddad died of it. My nan cared for him for 3 years only asking for help towards the end, she saw just how heart breaking it is from the outside to then be told she had it too. We went through the surgery with her, and for the first few months of my daughters life she had to put up with going to the hospital everyday so my nan could have radio therapy. She was a trooper! She fought and fought hard and she beat it. This year just before summer, she was diagnosed with it again. This time somewhere else. With her age and health its getting harder. How much can one person take? Only she is. She is strong and powerful, and seeing her being so strong you cant help but think my bad day at work is nothing compared to what you are going through so how can I moan.

Right now she is having one of the strongest chemo’s possible, so she can fight that bit longer! She says her will power is my daughter. She wants to see her grow, be around long enough so she will remember who she was. How can someone so small be a lifeline for someone.

My daughter was sent to save people, she saved me, she saved my family and she is saving my nan. Yet she doesn’t know just how much she means to everyone.

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Living with a Child who is Lactose intolerant

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I went a whole year without even having an idea that my baby had an intolerance. We all give birth to these beautiful babies and want them to be perfect.

I know an intolerance is nothing to be too worried about, and in fact most children do grow out of it but I still felt so guilty. A whole year she went unable to tell me that actually my breast milk hurt her belly or even when she was on formula it was the reason she didn’t want to eat much and some times full on refuse to eat anything. Those sleepless nights where she would wake up screaming as if she was pain and me having no idea what was up. I felt like I had failed somehow. How did I not pick up on it? Why didn’t I know?

Now she is a different child, more then happy nothing goes through her and she eats everything and anything I put in front of her. Her milk has been changed and even though I have to make food just for her I am happy she is happy. That’s all well and good when we are at home or popping to friends and family but we have come across another issue. Eating out.

As a family we love eating out and meeting up with friends is a needs must in our lives, but I am finding everywhere I go I am having to pack a lunch for baby. No where and so far I mean no where caters for those who are lactose intolerant. I have asked in serval food chains if they happen to have soya milk for milkshakes or lactose free ice cream for puddings or if I could see what lunches they do that are lactose free and people look at me like I am mad, or as if I spoke alien to them. How now a days is this the case? Surely other people have intolerances than just my child. I often want to say to the staff would you like to explain to a little girl why everyone else is having ice cream but she cant?

We have been one place where my daughter was actually allowed to sit and have something we ordered for her, and that was Starbucks. She was so happy with her tiny little cup, that had child soya milk that Starbucks actually had in stock. We all had matching little cups and for once I didn’t have to pull out a lunch box so she had something so she didn’t feel left out. Right now she isn’t at the age where she understands fully but when she is older she is going to feel like an outcast, everyone else gets to eat what they want yet she has to sit there with a lunch box.

Her intolerance isn’t a big deal, but how when items are so easy to get hold of that companies still make it a big deal.

Other than that I have to say all the lactose free food is actually rather yummy and I am enjoying finding new things to make her. I would never be able to tell the difference in real and fake cheese, the pizza I made was a huge hit in this household. Going to try and make coconut and raspberry muffins for her, and for anyone who knows me I’m not a huge cook so this could be fun!

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Moments like these

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When you’re covered in food, rosy cheeked, tangled haired and so tired you fall asleep on my shoulder, it’s moments like these I’ll forever treasure.

The independence can wait I want you to stay this way forever, dependant on me and glued to my hip.

I don’t mind you calling my name in the middle of the night because one day I’ll long to cuddle you back to sleep, those moments were its just you and me and the darkness of the night.

Gazed knees will come and go but don’t rush to let go of my hand whilst you walk.

The moment you call me Mum, I’ll think back to the first time you muttered mama!

When i watch you leave, I will ache for it to be the day I bought you home.

As you sit on my lap, cuddled in to me I whisper don’t grow up to fast my child the world can wait another day, please stay this little a little while longer. Let’s make more moments like these

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Spring Time Must Haves

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I have always been into bags and shoes big time, but since becoming a mum heels aren’t always my go to anymore.

A great pair of flat shoes are a must, especially when you are running after a toddler most of the time.

This year lace up flats have been right on trend, at first i questioned if i could ever really get on with them but i couldn’t have been more wrong. The pair pictured are from River Island and don’t think i have ever wore such a comfy shoe in my life and so perfect for the changing weather.

Another must have is a large bag! The bag pictured is perfect, there seems to be a lot of tan around currently which looks great with jeans in the spring, it also holds everything myself and baby b needs and i don’t feel like i loose everything inside it either, its super soft and easy to carry around. This bag is from Dorothy Perkins

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Easter Bunny

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This wasn’t baby b’s first Easter, but it was the first one we were able do anything with her and for her to start having an understating of what it is about.

Last year she was barely a month old. We had spent the day in hospital since my nan had just had a huge operation so Easter was slightly forgotten about.

This year we wanted to make the most of it! After buying roughly a million eggs we were set for Easter.

Baby B Loved it! Even thou we had planned the whole weekend out and not a single thing we planned happened, that’s a parent life for you, it was still amazing.

Now three days after the weekend I am still eating chocolate for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Diet? What is that!

Hope you all had a great Easter making memories xx

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366 days down, a lifetime left.

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Full of mixed emotions, I’m sure every parent goes through it.
The first birthday draws closer and yet you can’t deicide to be happy, sad, excited or do you let the anxiety wash over you.

Being caught in an emotional break down of the fact I’ve been called mummy for nearly a whole year and yet i don’t know whats more depressing, that she is growing so fast or the fact I’m still carrying the tummy.

On the other hand i couldn’t be more happier that this sweet baby has grown into the most perfect stroppiest drama queen of a toddler. Who can not help but make you smile.

But when the days race a head of you and another evening ends with her in bed, you can’t help but wonder where does the time go? One moment you’re packing a hospital bag full of worry and uncertainty, waiting to see this face thats been growing so wonderfully inside you. The next you’re holding her hand whilst she takes her first few steps and planning the day where she goes from baby to toddler.

Do the days ever slow down or do you just soak it up way more than you should just so you don’t ever forget what that moment feels like.

For now i wait for the tantrums, the grazed knees, the first sentences, the first day of school and watching her grow everyday into an even more perfect little girl.

Here is to turning 1.

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